Rinse
by Missy Holland
Summary: She'd do anything to sparkle in his eyes. She would suffer, she would fight and compromise. Why can't she love me?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is the first chapter. The song is Vanessa Carlton's Rinse. Therefore I don't own it. I don't own the characters either. Too bad………**

**Warning: Femmeslash, don't like, don't read. **

_**She'd do anything to sparkle in his eyes**_

She must get rid of him. She's tailing him everywhere like a lost puppy. It's sad to see really.

The first year it was amusing, seeing how she'd try to get his attention. Now it's not amusing anymore. Because I realized that she mustn't be with him. He doesn't deserve it, she doesn't either.

She'd do anything for him, she does everything for him. She's longing for touches from him that he can't give her. She want, needs, him.

You can see it in her eyes when she's asking him out for diner, she's suffered enough. She belongs with me, with someone who feels for her what he can't. Someone who's not scared.

He hides his feelings, he hurts her so she won't try again. But she does, she's in for the hurting if that increases the chance of for once not being rejected.

_she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye  
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise  
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright  
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight_

The hopes of getting a chance are too attracting for her. She'll deal with rejection later, but for now she keeps trying.

_how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see  
she needs to be held in his arms to be free  
but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand  
'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man  
_

And I'm here to watch and pick up the pieces. She can't see me, she's blinded. But when she can see straight again I will come for her. Save her. I'll be her knight. Why can't she see that she must rinse him? She needs to get him out of her system as soon as possible. It's not an obsession yet, but it can be when she goes on like this. She'll kill herself. And that would mean that I have to live without her.

Because just like she's waiting for him, I'm waiting for her to see me. It's a vicious circle. I dreamt of her for years now. I want her to be mine and mine alone. I've followed her home numerous times just to see if she went home alone. She did, and I'd be sitting in my car for ages, just trying to understand why she could feel something for an old man, and not feel something for a woman who was there for her.

I stopped following her when I realized that she wasn't about to get into a serious relationship. She couldn't even last with that cheating bastard Hank. No, it wasn't her fault that he cheated, but still, she could've gotten a hell of a lot better than him.

_and if she runs away she feel the fears she follows  
what could be worse than leaving some be count  
and if the dead poison smell to in shadow  
it's only me to find  
if only she was my love  
_

Yes you can call me bitter, but it is just the truth. If she could see what was right in front of her she'd be with me in a matter of seconds. She can't get him out of her head, so I must help her. I'd do anything to see that spark in her eyes again. When she looks at him her eyes go sad. She's fought with him, tried to compromise, but he still said 'no'. She tried to get him to be her friend, not just her mentor and co-worker. She fought with him, warning it might be too late when he noticed her. It didn't make a difference. He still refused to go out with her.

She's been better lately, she looks better, healthier. But still he doesn't notice. She'd come in at night, wearing something new, looking at him and daring him to make a compliment. He'd just give her assignments that Greg could've done just as easy. She said she thought he was just protecting her, but those thoughts went up in smoke after the accident in the mental institution. She was broken after that, pretending to be tough but everyone could see her tears. Her brown eyes don't sparkle anymore when she's talking about him. They only sparkle when she's dancing. Clubbing with the team makes her feel better, but when he's there, sitting in a booth with Brass and the other detectives, he's just imitating a statue and she's to self-conscious to move. She just won't dance when he's there. And even when they have to work together he confuses her. One day he's distancing himself like she's not there, and the other day he's all over her.

_she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye  
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise  
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright  
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight   
_

Mixed signals can happen but she's getting enough of it, I can see it. I am always in her sight, ready to catch her when she fall, but she never does. I am always there for her, and yet I don't get the slightest thank you.

What did I do wrong? I know she's into women, she told me that once. I am a woman as far as I know, and I know I am good-looking. Not that I am arrogant, but I know I look good for my age. She knows that too, but why isn't she attracted to me? We have similar sides, but also opinions that are total opposite of what the other thinks. She's beautiful and smart, and her demons are something I'm willing to take for granted if she'd be with me. But no, she isn't with me. She's following him. Just because she thinks she loves him and that he loves her.

He doesn't. She doesn't.

_she must rinse this all away  
she can't hold him this way  
she must rinse this all away  
she can't love him this way  
_

_She'd do anything to sparkle in his eyes……… _

**Thanks for reading. I will update soon if you like this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is a shorter chapter than the first one. Still contains slashy stuff, don't like don't read. It's possible you recognize some lines or situations, I get some inspiration from TV-shows or books. I don't own anything, well, maybe I do own the plot-line, but that's about it. CSI isn't mine****, I just play with them. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2: One-way ticket to the truth.**

I was so certain. I'd done everything the way it had to be. I'd checked for the faintest trace of evidence, I'd double checked my results and upon that I had based my theories, totally convinced I was right and that I'd solved the problem.

But I was wrong.

Evidence is a one-way ticket to the truth. You can't deny that, but what if someone reads it wrong? What if signs are not directed to you, but to someone else? It can't stop you from making terrible mistakes.

I played at my best, and yet I failed. I had done everything as needed. Dropping hints about myself being into her, subtle questions about which food she loved and what her favorite flowers were.

When I asked her to go out with me, I was sure she'd understood I meant on a date . I told her to wear something nice, a dress maybe. She asked me why I wanted to take her out and I just said it was a surprise.

I've never seen her looking more beautiful than that evening.

Her eyes sparkled, and she smiled at me with that smile she usually saved for special occasions. Her hair was curled, caressing her shoulders like I was planning to do later on. Her dress clung to her body like a second skin, the deep burgundy lit up her face and brought out her chocolate eyes. I guided her to the rented limo and handed her the roses I bought her. She was surprised, but that sparkle remained.

We arrived at the dinner, and inside she gasped at the sight: The place was completely candle-lit and there were deep red drapes on the cream walls. The floor was a dark wooden and the tables were covered in various shades of white. Our table was in a corner, set with a single rose on her plate. She just smiled at me.

I never made a move during the entire dinner. I just sat there and talked and listened to her. We talked about everything but him. My plans to seduce her were working. She was forgetting him already. I didn't move any closer to her, didn't feed her, didn't take her hand.

I let her set the pace. I never felt more happy in my life. I was there with my love, and she was looking at me with that rare content look on her face I'd never seen before.

After dinner I guided her back to the car. My had gently on the small of her back, feeling the heat radiating from her body. It was a perfect night, stars lit the sky and there was no cloud to be seen. The moon shone so bright and full I thought it couldn't be real.

But it was real, just as real as the stinging pain I felt only half an hour later.

I took her back to her place, getting more nervous with every meter we got closer to her front door. She was relaxing in her seat, but I felt like screaming. Oh, how I wanted to touch her, to hold her hand in mine. What I'd given that night if I had made a move during diner. I opened her door when we arrived. Walked her to her door to…to do what exactly? My intentions were to bid her goodnight and leave with a gentle kiss on her cheek.

But when she pulled me into a hug, my senses went into overdrive and I forgot about any innocent kisses I'd planned. To feel her skin against mine, to feel her hair touch my cheek was more than I'd ever imagined.

I pulled back and kissed her on the lips…

Obviously, she didn't react the way I hoped she would. Otherwise I wouldn't be crying on the couch right now. Yes, home alone. Not with Sara in my bed. Alone. I think I'm going to drink some heavy liquor tonight.

Not only did she pull back, but she told me she was already involved with someone. Little did I know whom she was speaking of. For all I knew she was seeing him.

Appearantly she wasn't.

'_Catherine, please, stop'_

_I'm shocked. Shocked that I made such move, shocked that she didn't react. But mostly shocked because I felt my heart burst out in joy when our lips met. For a moment I felt so complete. But the look in her eyes is saying to me that her heart isn't mine._

'_I..I'm sorry Sara'_

_I turn around, tears sting in my eyes and I start to walk away. __Her eyes burn in my back the whole way to the car. Right before I get in I take a last glance backwards. At least I got out of this with the little dignity I have left after just kissing her. She hasn't seen me cry, and I didn't do anything stupid…yet…_

_I take my time to memorize her looks. I've never seen her looking better than this evening. __She's looking at me with a look that I can't describe, shocked and surprised. But there's also that tiny hint of comfort that I felt when she eased against me before pulling away from me._

_I turn back and open the door. But before I get in I feel a hand on my shoulder. I freeze, taking in the familiar scent of her. She forced me to spin around and look at her. Her thumb strokes my cheek as she softly smiles and starts to talk to me in a soft tone I've never heard from her;_

'_Please don't go home like this, Catherine. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew you'd be alone in your bed.'_

'_I realize that I've hurt you by not responding to your kiss, but you've got to trust me on this; I'm already in a relationship. If there's anything I've learnt from working with you it's that cheating hurts, Cath. I mean….It's not like you're not attractive, but I'm in love with someone else.'_

'_I'm sorry Catherine'_

_How can I believe her? She's been lurking around for years, trying to get him to make a move. She sees my doubts in my eyes, because she pulls her wallet out of her purse._

'_I love her, Cath, I really do.'_

And then she showed me the photo that's inside her wallet. I saw a smiling Sara, arms around the neck of a blonde with whom I'm so familiar. She didn't just love anyone else but she choose to love the detective I work with on a daily basis.

She said sorry….

How can sorry ever mend a broken heart?

She's not with him, that's as much as I wanted. But I never meant for her to be happy with someone else! I always just assumed she'd come running to me.

I guess Sofia Curtis is one very lucky woman.

**A/N: It's not over yet. Don't worry about that… **


End file.
